The Laws of Attraction state what you feel, how you think, the thoughts you pour your energy into and focus on - you become.
How do some of us find ourselves knee deep in a world we despise?
It’s because we created it on our own.
Take it from someone who’s seen rejection and failure one too many times in life - my job I despised, the girls I’ve always wanted but never got, the uncertainty in myself and my future, the constant need for validation.
I've pretended to be someone I’m not or someone I should be because I either told myself or I let someone influence me into believing that’s "how you look good on paper" or "that’s what girls want to hear" or "this is the way life is supposed to be in order to stay in line".
It’s easy to live in a world where you deny your reality and make it into something it isn’t. It’s easy to pretend. It’s easy to attract people based on what you think “they” like.
However, those are all the ingredients to make yourself miserable. You can only pretend for so long before you find yourself at a crossroads. A crossroads which makes you decide whether to continue going on with your life in denial or to start actually looking for truth.
I had the chance to link up with someone who specializes in helping men live a life they want to live and and someone who has built her success based on the principle of honesty.
Hard-hitting, direct and straight in your face honesty and someone who encourages her clients to be their bold unapologetic authentic selves.
Kezia Noble is the World’s Leading Female Dating Expert for Men, a Bestselling Published Author, and YouTube Star with nearly 50 million views on her channel.
I’m not really the type who buys into the whole Pick Up Community because some of the teachings do not align with my own personal beliefs and values.
But in every industry there are individuals who do things the wrong way and individuals who are actually trying to help people.
1. Radical Honesty creates a lot of Impact.
Personally, I believe people should reach a point in life where they come to terms with their own weaknesses and areas in life that need improvement. In the past year or two I ran into these realizations which somehow led me to Kezia’s YouTube Channel.
As I confessed earlier I've encountered all sorts of ugly truths about myself in life. It's not something most people would openly promote. However, if something is true about yourself that you dealt with, ugly or not, doesn't that make you the person who you are today?
So why be shameful? We are constantly growing. Who you were back then may not be the person you are today.
Kezia definitely opened my horizons and hit home on a lot of topics that made sense to me. For example, we always hear about “the nice guy”. But who the hell is this guy and why does he always finish last?
She describes the nice guy as “bland, forgettable, and replaceable”. Three TERRIBLE words. This is the guy who doesn’t challenge a women - he just complies. He’s always apologetic and fears creating impact because there’s a slight chance he might make negative impact.
She explains how plenty of the men she coaches have great personalities but become the “the nice guy” so they don’t get rejected which if you think about it is just a cop out.
It’s so true and literally a fast pass straight to the friend zone at MOST.
Why do girls like the “so to speak” bad boys - it’s because they have a mind of their own. They aren’t afraid to oppose a women’s stance if they disagree. “Radical honesty creates a lot of impact” as she states.
We all have friends who are too nice or don’t want to tell us the truth of why we’re sucking at life.
Maybe on the opposite spectrum we have those friends who feed us the wrong advice and may very well be damaging our personal development with negativity.
However, finding trusted people who can give direct no-nonsense feedback in order to reach maximum potential is detrimental to any endeavor or pursuit.
2. Have A Green Light Mentality
How many of you give up at the first sign of struggle? Or run into an issue and get discouraged?
For instance, maybe some of us believe a beautiful girl or dream guy or certain goal is out of our league and poison ourselves with all the reasons this beautiful person wouldn’t date us or all the reasons why we can’t achieve a goal instead of focusing on all the amazing things we have to offer or finding all the reasons we can do it.
So what if someone told you "no" or "you're not good enough" or "you're not someone I can see myself with" or "I don't have time I'm too busy".
Does that mean it's the end of the world?
If you approach life with a green-light mentality and turn a negative into a positive you'll make your world much more attractive with many more opportunities.
To be honest, I get discouraged if I go long strides with constant let down or rejection. But then sometimes I get strides of success or achievement. That's life - it goes up, it goes down.
But you can't just keep yourself down.
Maybe you let your mind run wild and start over polluting your thinking with long term vision which only results in heavier weight on your shoulders.
Perhaps, you should instead think of achieving shorter term goals on a smaller scale every day, week, month or whatever and then after a few months look back and see how much you've collectively achieved.
"Mini- incremental goals" as Kezia encourages.
She’s someone who has taken this exact approach with her own personal success and interwoven these principles into the dating world, techniques and advice she shares with her clients.
3. Be social and involved
I look around and see more people single than in love or in relationships.
It’s not necessarily a bad thing but it makes you wonder because so many of our parents and grandparents got married at very young ages.
What is our generation doing differently?
With someone who has pretty much seen it all in the dating world I wanted to see what trends Kezia has found for people who are failing in their dating and sex lives.
As we all know and agree on, having 24-hour access to the internet is beneficial and amazing in so many beautiful ways but as we all know and don't do much about, it can also be a 'time vampire'.
When we get lonely, what do we do?
We click on a screen, look at a screen, or type into a screen and get lost into an ocean of social media and online instant gratification.
As kezia states "whereas people used to only have a choice between watching whatever happened on TV vs. actually going out, socializing, and meeting up with friends."
As a result, those people who are out socializing and getting out in the world instead of taking solace in a virtual one would generate more opportunities to meet people, which would not only improve their social skills but also further increase their chances of eventually getting involved with someone.
Touching back on “being your bold unapologetic self” - we see too many people nowadays live for the “likes”. Do me a favor and go to your Instagram profile. Do a quick scroll down your Explore Page - how many half naked pictures did you see?
I know, I know who am I to judge? I’m not trying to throw every 60% of the people on Instagram under the bus because we all show off on social media in one form or another.
It’s normal. And in all honestly many of those fit chicks, fit guys, models actually mean well and do what they do because it serves a purpose to a vast audience but what I learned from Kezia's findings is that some of us are living in an age where we can fake our lives, fake happiness and fake success via our social media platforms and if you combine an excessive amount of time alone with an infinite amount of time on the internet, you can easily slip into blurry grey area between delusion and reality.
It's not necessarily a bad thing, in fact, social media can be used as a beautiful way to create and become an artist of your own life. An extension or expression of yourself but with everything - balance is key.
Some people may wonder why individuals go to Dating Experts. Why people look to help with any coaches for that matter with hopes to increase their chances with love, success or becoming more desirable.
Some find the idea absurd. And because of this Kezia has faced much opposition and criticism in her career. But that’s what happens when people are quick to judge.
She’s simply a person who see’s a problem in the world. It isn’t hard to deny that it’s a problem. Look around.
What’d you last talk about with your friends? Most likely about a significant other or lack there of - especially being that this article was written in mid February which is literally the time where everyone’s dating lives are put under a magnifying glass.
Most people will find out, including Kezia herself who's the first to amit, that some of her videos on YouTube have fairly obnoxious titles. However, these titles are used more so for marketing techniques of luring an audience in, but the content remains genuine and on point.
Regardless, her success doesn’t lie especially when you’re someone who has helped over 18,000 men across the globe. I leave you with my favorite quote from our interview:
"When you become successful , you start gaining confidence to make more moves , to take bolder steps which positions you into the spotlight.
When you're in that spotlight, you become open season for the haters (who are usually frustrated at still being stuck in their own comfort zones). Not everyone can handle the extremes, they don’t want to experience being loved and hated and going through that ‘all or nothing’ odyssey, they would rather just be liked or ‘get through’ under the radar.”
I couldn’t agree with you more, Kezia.
- Anthony Awadalla